©Janine A. Acherman

With each passing day, I can feel the turbulence growing
And it’s just like what they say — that feeling is knowing

I do a lot of waiting. I do it despite my impatient nature. I do it because my heart really believes there is only good that will come out of this waiting. This is, without a doubt, the most difficult task I’ve ever had to face, but I’m standing my ground. It’s the only thing my heart feels as though it truly knows. I’ve never known a feeling much like this. Even as I am impatient, I’ve also proven to be most pessimistic in times of distress. But even as I lay my head down in restlessness every night I try to sleep, my heart doesn’t give in. It’s as though there is something so unbelievably strong inside of me telling me there is a brilliant light waiting to shine through my clouds of darkness. I may be weak in spirit, but the love I feel in my heart makes up for it all. It is the only thing keeping me together. It is the only thing that makes me see life in beautiful existence. It makes me feel real. It strips me of my unworthiness, my flaws, my pain… and makes me see light. This stream of unwavering bright light shines so brightly that not even corners hold darkness. It makes me see possibility even in the mist of all of this impossibility. It makes me hope.

This is why I wait.

I’m holding on that rope —
I’m holding onto hope

How does one go about their day
Without going off track, out of pace, or away?
Their formula settles purely on physical persistence and emotional drive
And perhaps this is what exists of one that is truly alive

Looking at your picture, I tap the screen of my cellphone
Speaking to your frozen face, I ask, “어디야?” (Where are you?)
I listen to that song you sang for me so I don’t feel alone
These nights I lie awake in bed, whispering, “아프지마.” (Don’t be hurting.)

It’s not enough to wonder constantly, for my heart beats sore
I guess when it really comes down to it, 난 슬퍼 (I’m sad.)
And maybe I am afraid my dream will walk right out the door
That single thought forever lingers: 보고 깊어 (I want to see you. / I miss you.)

I keep in mind all of the good memories we’ve shared
I try to tell myself to be strong, I even say, “난 괜찮아.” (I’m okay.)
But sadness creeps in the back of my mind knowing how much you cared
People ask me what’s wrong, I’ve nothing to say but, “몰라.” (I don’t know.)

Because it’s moments like these where I really begin to understand
That life is difficult without you; I guess I’m not that strong, 미안해 (I’m sorry.)
But the path we’ve so far led holds strong, and so here is where I’ll stand
I hope you know for you my heart beats true, and forever, 사랑해 (I love you.)

Dedicated to: 임준호, 내 남자 친구 (my boyfriend, Jun Lim)